I (sometimes) call myself Mr. Pondersome. I'm a rather wordy, weirdy person. I say hullo a lot. I write a lot more. While you're here, why not give some of it a read?

Monday, 23 September 2013


The Yellow Rucksack Sisters: The Truth behind the Trick

A Short Essay by Perry Grinn

Printed in the Daily Tree



            There are so many theories floating around about the Yellow Rucksack Sisters, an up and coming acrobatic troupe travelling with the Cirque du Clamour. The latest and most popular theory, however, has me groaning for the future of logical stage criticism.

            It is a popularly-known fact that the main trick in the Yellow Rucksack Sisters act, the 'main attraction' if you will, is when two of the sisters throw the other two up into the air only for them to land and somehow disappear neatly inside their titular rucksacks. Now it has come to my attention that many critics believe that the secret behind this trick is a combination of super fast contortionism and secret cushioned compartments within the rucksacks.

            Allow me to analyse this scenario: the smaller sisters are taught not only to successfully contort themselves, a practice that takes even the most double-jointed individual years to perfect, but to do so within a fraction of a second. They are thrown three feet in the air and, somewhere during the short dive; they manage to tuck each of their limbs and extremities into a suitably streamlined shape and land successfully inside the rucksack without making even the slightest sound. One would expect that such a feat would be damn near impossible to get right even once, that it would be severely damaging if performed incorrectly and yet the Sisters seem to do it every night.

            This is where the cushion theory comes into play. Having squeezed themselves into a tight shape and landed successfully within the rucksack, the Sisters are saved from excruciating bone breakage by a complex cushioning system that no-one has been able to explain, let alone prove as yet. In fact I have consulted my associates in the contortionist business and they cannot explain how super fast contortionism might work either. Unless the Sisters are severely holding back on the world of science, I am inclined to dispute that either of these concepts are currently possible. Instead I would like to propose my own theory.

            Having seen some success as a stage magician during the latter half of the 1980's, I cannot help but notice similarities between the Yellow Rucksack Sister's main trick and the one that made my name. As part of my trick, my assistant shot me with a gun and then covered me with a normal sheet, only for my body to suddenly 'melt' down into the stage. My hat would then roll away until it suddenly stopped, landing with the brim facing upward. I would then climb out through the hat without bending it even slightly out of shape. Though I was admittedly very wiry back then, my trick relied on only one unique and specific tool which, up until very recently, I have sworn not to reveal to the public. 

            In order to disappear beneath the sheet and reappear via the hat I had to access a miniature wormhole. I realise how preposterous this might sound but please bear with me. Whilst in conversation with associates working in Astrophysics I discovered that, in some very rare cases, everyday receptacles such as hats have their particles inexplicably altered by nature so that they can create miniature wormholes leading to and from certain designated surfaces. Before performing the trick, I ran my hat across the bit of floor I was to land on so as to displace its particles with the hat's unusual particles and then waited for the surface to heat itself up and catalyse the process itself. When I 'disappeared' through the floor I temporarily entered non-space and immediately clambered out through the nearest wormhole, the hat. Of course this required me to hold my breath for an uncomfortable amount of time but I always managed it with my renowned dedication and perseverance.

            I believe that the Yellow Rucksack Sisters have somehow discovered their own miniature wormholes - note that I pluralise here - and employ them in their act. This is the only plausible explanation I can find as to how they can seemingly disappear without a sound or even a single noticeable crease in their rucksacks. When I was told about the wormholes I was sworn to secrecy, I promised that I would not employ the trick anymore than ten times throughout my career. I am shocked that the Yellow Rucksack Sisters have somehow discovered not one but four wormholes - I presume, conjoined - and am rather disappointed that they use them so flagrantly. All I ask is that they reveal the truth behind their main trick and that they allow a specialist to examine the state of the wormholes, a task to which I would gladly offer my services.

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