An elf is sent to teach a family Christmas cheer and ends up falling in
love with the uncle.
The
elf is a threat to the North Pole workforce. She's skilled and efficient but prone to petty sabotage. Santa, being the old kindly soul
that he is, doesn't want to fire her so he devises a means of sending her away
on an 'errand'.
The
family themselves aren't even Christian. Santa isn't terribly good at running
background checks. The elf soon realises that the family are Jewish and/or
atheist and leave them be.
The
elf tries to make her way back to the North Pole. Unfortunately what Santa
lacks in research skills, he more than makes up for in blocking out unwanted
elements. He strands the elf in the city where she is forced to go from Santa's
grotto to Santa's grotto pretending to be a gainfully-employed teenager. She is
soon found out each time because her enthusiasm is unyielding while her
credentials are not.
After
being kicked out of the latest Santa's grotto, she lands in the path of a man
who owns a cobblers shop in the same shopping mall. He notices just how
different the elf's costume is to the fake elves who work at the Santa's grottoes
and thinks he has some sort of Christmas cosplayer in his hands. Noticing how
attractive she is he decides to hire her.
At
first the elf is tasked with changing the shoe display and standing long enough
in the window to draw in horny men. She soon notices this objectification and
demands to be given a more suitable task. The uncle jokes that because she is
an elf she can try fixing shoes. It turns out that she is rather skilled at
this.
Soon
enough the uncle is standing in the window in an elf suit trying to attract
horny women to no avail. He begins to resent the elf's cobbling skills and asks
her to leave early, after all it is 'Christmas Eve'. She agrees only to wait
around until he has shut up. She tells him that she has nowhere else to go so
can she spend Christmas day with him? The man says he is going to spend most of
it with his sister's family so probably not. Then again, remembering how
attractive she is, he agrees.
They
arrive at the house of the Jewish and/or atheist family. The shopkeeper
introduces the elf as his girlfriend but the family instantly recognises her. The
man is quite insistent so they let her in.
The
elf experiences a Christmas Eve without anything even remotely Christmassy. She
feels bored but is too polite to say anything. She agrees to sleep with the
uncle but finds herself bored by the sex too.
Early
Christmas morning she leaves discreetly. She briefly considers heading back to
the North Pole but ultimately decides to wander the empty streets, peering into
other people's festively-decorated houses. When she reaches a road she decides
to hitchhike and is picked up by a Muslim truck driver. He comments on her elf
outfit and she agrees; she needs new clothes. Eventually.
A family suffers during the Christmas season due to a child's rigorous
illness and the whole neighbourhood comes to help.
The
child dies after the first thirty minutes. The father and mother are forced to
call an ambulance to take away the body and begin making funeral arrangements.
Their daughter, who was older than the child, engages in a half-hearted
snowball fight with her friends. They all already know that her brother is dead
because their parents do. The rest of the neighbourhood decide to keep their
distance from the family at this difficult time which isn't so hard to do at
Christmastime when they have their own responsibilities to deal with.
One
woman however decides to knock on their door, offering Christmas pudding. She
has to pump herself up to do this though, death always makes her nervous. The
Christmas pudding is eaten by the father and his daughter while the mother
sleeps upstairs.
The
woman knocks on their door again on Christmas Eve. She offers to take the
daughter out to play in the snow. The daughter decides to make a snow dick. The
woman is horrified; why would she do such a thing? The daughter says that her
brother used to make them when he was healthier, he was a bit of a pervert but
it made him smile.
The
woman lets the parents know about this bizarre construction in their front
garden. The mother is angry with her daughter but a smile flickers across the
father's lips as he sees it. He promises to do something about it at the next available
opportunity. The woman thanks him and leaves.
On
Christmas day the woman passes by their garden again and notices that the head
of the penis has been turned into a snowman's head and that there is a message
written across the testicles: HE LOVED TO BUILD.
The
woman asks around the neighbourhood the following day, checking that no-one saw
the snow dick in its original form. Fortunately everyone has been too busy
dealing with their own Christmas days to notice anything like that or at least
that's what they're saying. Nevertheless the people notice the new construction
and decide to erect their own in their front gardens. The woman is shocked at
this phallic surprise but notices the communal spirit throughout the
neighbourhood and decides to keep her distaste to herself.
She
even makes her own snow dick monument too though only small and in her back
garden.
A shopkeeper is forced to teach a successor how to run the shop and yet
falls in love with him.
A
man runs a Christmas wrapping paper shop; it's small and only open from
November to January. At nights he takes home the thickest roll and uses it to
beat up a dummy with the face of his manager on it.
One
day he is called up by said manager who tells him that he is coming down to
help him make sales. Sales improve vastly on the first day alone as the manager
reorganising the shop's displays and greets the customers in a far more
effective manner than the shopkeeper. He also notices that the thicker rolls
are disappearing and wants to know exactly what is happening to them. The
shopkeeper is coy.
By
the third day they're bonding over forgetful old men who get angry when you
suggest to them what they might have come in to buy. They also claim to fancy
the same woman who comes into the shop wearing doe-skin boots.
By
the fifth day the shopkeeper and the manager are shagging in the backroom. It
turns out that the shopkeeper's frustration at the manager was partially of a
sexual nature. They do not talk about what they've done as soon as the customers
enter.
Eventually
the shopkeeper develops enough confidence to ask the manager to come to his
house. The manager agrees expecting a quick tryst only to discover an effigy of
himself surrounded by damaged wrapping paper rolls. He is infuriated but they
still have sex. As soon as it's over the manager leaves.
On
Christmas Eve the shopkeeper discovers that he will be fired at the end of
January and so decides to sabotage the shop by being rude to customers and
making the displays fragile and prone to collapsing. The manager sees what he
is doing and fires him outright.
The
shopkeeper leaves angrier than ever, with the thickest and heaviest paper roll
he can find. That night, after the manager closes the shop, the shopkeeper sets
upon him with it only for a struggle to break out. The manager asks him if this
is really what he wants: to beat the big boss with the merchandise. The
shopkeeper says yes but there is hurt in his eyes. He kisses the manager and
they return to his house.
The
shopkeeper wakes up in the manager's bed alone. It turns out that the manager
is making bacon butties with Bucks Fizz downstairs. The manager tells the
shopkeeper to go check under the Christmas tree. The shopkeeper discovers that
all his presents have been wrapped with the offending paper roll from the
previous night. He apologises and thanks the manager for the lovely sentiment,
he deserves it. They spend the day together.
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